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We now have a thread where we can share our cartoons and jokes - go for it!

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

This was voted the best joke in Germany:


A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it!”

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

Here's a really bad one for everyone in the US:-

Qu: Where does George Bush keep his CD collection?

Ans: In a rack (Iraq - geddit!!!)

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

This was voted the best joke in Canada:


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

There is a new virus - the code name is "Work". If you receive Work from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that Work has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and Work already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.

I think I have friends, but am not entirely positive so I'm headed for the bar anyway ... it never hurts to be safe.

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

*LOL* I think I need the next bar asap! :-D

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Winning by default!!

Descartes once said: "Cogito ergo sum" - I think therefore I am.

Another Frenchman on hearing this remarked "Je bois donc je suis!" - I drink therefore I am.

This Frenchman was right!!!!!

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

A man lying on his deathbed called to him, his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor. "I am going to die tonight, and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you can take it all with you. So to my three most trusted friends, you three of course, I am leaving 50,000 dollars in these envelopes. When I die you must come to my funeral and put the envelopes in my coffin with me." The man handed the three men identical envelopes.

A day later they each received news that, that night the old man had died . So each knew they must go to his funeral and fulfill his death wish.

Standing over the coffin one week later the pastor confessed, " I can't hide what I've done. I took 10,000 dollars from the envelope because the church needed to be painted."

Then the doctor also started to fidget and finally confessed “I took 30,000 dollars from my envelope because the hospital needed a new wing."

Then the lawyer said plainly “You bunch of crooks! I wrote him a check for the full amount!"

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

I loooooove Garfield comics! What a surprise, eh? ;-)

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Winning by default!!

*LOL* I think I need the next bar asap! :-D

"A Toast!"
Have you heard of 'Axel the Sot'?

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*LOL* I think I need the next bar asap! :-D

"A Toast!"
Have you heard of 'Axel the Sot'?

No, who or what is that? ;-)

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Winning by default!!

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

In the good ol' U.S. of A., buses have a sign saying "Don't speak to the driver."

In Germany, the sign reads: "It is strictly forbidden for passengers to speak to the driver."

In England: "You are graciously requested to refrain from speaking to the driver."

In Scotland: "What have you got to gain by speaking to the driver?"

And in Italy: "Don't answer the driver."

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

Don't drink and drive... ;-D

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Winning by default!!

Don't drink and drive... ;-D

Did the driver have a smashing time at the office party?

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged), the following comes from a Wall Street Journal article:

1.) Compaq was considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2.) AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3.) Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

4.) Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

5.) A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6.) Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7.) Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

8.) A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

9.) A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

10.) An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11.) Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12.) True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech : "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller : "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech : "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller : "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech : "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller : "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

13.) Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

14.) In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from it's cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.

As Ripley would say, believe it or not!

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My software never has bugs - it just develops random features